My Brother’s Girlfriend

Pretty much all I have written about in the last couple of years is infertility, pregnancy, and motherhood, so today it feels good to discuss something totally different–my brother’s girlfriend.

Here’s the backstory. My brother and I have had times in our lives when we were very close and other times when we barely spoke. He’s the person who annoys me the most in the world, but is simultaneously someone I love to hang out with. He’s extremely smart, but his fatal flaw is arrogance. He will talk your ear off, and of course, he’s always right and there’s nothing you can say to alter that idea in his mind.

A tactful person would say he has a strong personality. A not-so-tactful person would say he can be kind of a dick. Growing up, he had serious anger issues and got into trouble at school on a regular basis. Every possible label was thrown at him–Aspergers, ADD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder–but none really encapsulated his issues. Needless to say, though, he struggled a lot socially in his early years, and even now doesn’t always read the room as well as he should. Or maybe he just doesn’t care that people are bored of listening to him talk or getting offended by his black and white views on everything?

Despite his foibles, he can actually be a great guy most of the time, and he made lots of friends in high school and college, including numerous female friends. But on the dating front he has consistently struck out. He’s only had feelings for a couple of girls since graduating high school eight years ago, and they ultimately didn’t feel the same way. Occasionally someone has shown interest in him, but he has extremely high standards (which he likes to express in numerical terms, i.e. no “sixes” allowed) so, there he stood, a 26-year-old who had never been in a relationship.

Then, last fall he finally caved and started using dating apps. He got tons of matches and immediately started going on frequent first dates, but these connections only progressed to a second date a few times. Still, he got excited about a couple of people, but they didn’t pan out. It seemed like lady love would never favor him. But then, he met her, his very first girlfriend.

The first I heard of her was after they’d been on two or three dates and spent them “talking and making out” in his words. She had just created her account to delve into online dating, and he was the first guy she met. They were both smitten.

As vomitrocious as it was to hear my brother describe her ass and talk about all the canoodling they’d be up to, I was honestly thrilled that he had found someone. Your first real significant other is so special (I married mine!) and those early days of a relationship are incredibly exciting. It’s been a longtime joke in our family that my brother would never find someone because of his tendency to be obnoxious, but there she was! A miracle.

They’ve now been dating three or four months, and things are serious enough that he has introduced her to our family. I liked her when I met her, but I was a little concerned that she was quieter and more reserved, which allowed him to continue to dominate all the conversations, as he likes to do. But I also witnessed her snuggled up against him on the couch as he elucidated US-China trade policy for the better part of an hour, and she looked…content!

Is it true love? It’s too soon to say. But she’s moving out of the city to be closer to him. They seem extremely happy together. This is new territory for me. I’m not used to him having a better half, and sometimes I get nervous that she’s going to break up with him and his big macho heart will shatter into tiny pieces. Actually, throughout the entirety of their relationship, I’ve been absolutely giddy when I think about them together. It’s almost like I, too, am experiencing the fluttering fervor of young love, vicariously. And with that comes fear and dread of what could happen if those feelings wear off and my brother’s first romantic experience fizzles and dies.

I’ve met her several times now, but I wasn’t sure whether to add her as a friend on facebook or not. If I did, would it be presumptuous? Would it jinx the relationship? So, I didn’t. But they are still together and planning to go to a concert together at the end of August, so it seems likely this relationship will continue for a while. But then, why hasn’t she added me if she’s serious about him? Am I overthinking all this?

As much as I’m eager to follow the progress of their relationship, I have to hold myself back and remember that my brother is not one of my girlfriends, ready to dish about his significant other over a pint of ice cream. It annoys him when I ask too many prying questions, and I don’t want to risk him cutting me out of the loop entirely. But it’s been a month since we last talked, and I’m dying to know how things are going! Have they had their first fight? What did she get him for his birthday? Has he fantasized about their wedding? Not that I have, of course…

If it turns out that she’s the one and she becomes a permanent fixture in our family, obviously there will be plenty of time to get to know her and to enjoy the new dynamic that will bring. And also time to be wistful about the fact that my brother’s priorities will change forever and I’ll no longer be the woman closest to him–not by a long shot. But for now I am relishing this turn of events. For most people, dating someone new wouldn’t be such a big deal, but for our family this is a first, and I won’t apologize for freaking out just a little…or for the wedding fantasies.