Surprises from My First Year as a Mom

My twins turned one last week, which means I’ve been momming for an entire calendar year and have lived to tell the tale. I celebrated by taking my husband out for sushi on their birthday and then, a couple of days later, throwing a nearly Pinterest-perfect birthday bash for the little guys. It has been a sweet and joyous week of reveling in the nostalgia that comes with major milestones like this one, and I feel incredibly blessed. A year ago, my babies were both in the NICU still; today, they’re on the verge of taking their first steps. It’s awesome.

As I reflect on all that has happened in the last year and how it has changed me, I thought I would stop to record some of the things I didn’t quite expect about this transition to motherhood. Stuff that surprised me over the last 12 months of mom life. So, here we go!

1. My babies still don’t sleep through the night.

Well, thanks to night-weaning, one of them sort of is, but the other still wakes up at least 1-2x a night and can’t seem to sleep past 5:40 a.m., the little dear. Obviously I knew with twins I wasn’t going to be getting a lot of sleep, but I expected that they would make gradual progress, sleep better and better over time, and sometime between 6-8 months, we’d hit the sweet spot and they would start sleeping in 12 hour chunks. Well, that never happened. When it does, it will be an amazing day, that’s for sure!

2. Breastfeeding has been annoying and rewarding all at the same time.

What with starting life in the hospital with hypoglycemia, my boys were bottle fed at first and it was a struggle to get them breastfeeding consistently. I mean, I was able to breastfeed them at least once a day, but it always seemed like they had a hard time staying latched, and I found the physical posture of holding a baby and nursing them uncomfortable and…simply a lot of work. Over time they did improve, but my milk supply was never enough for two, so we had to supplement with formula. This led to a constant low-grade anxiety over my milk supply and an ever-present tinge of mom guilt, especially when I had numerous friends who exclusively breast-fed. We persevered, and in the last 1-2 months, I’ve actually seen a huge change for the better. They nurse a lot more now than they did a few months (though they still get bottles too, and solid foods of course) and they are even okay with tandem breastfeeding, something that was legitimately physically impossible for me in the early weeks when it would have been most helpful. I can finally say that I find nursing enjoyable, it just happened to take a full year to get there. And, side benefit, I’m ten pounds lighter than I was pre-pregnancy, thanks to breast-feeding! We’re talking skinnier than I have been since I was 15!!

3. High-Waisted jeans are where it’s at.

Yes, I have embraced mom jeans! Thanks to losing so much weight and the fact that pregnancy stretched out most of my pants, I recently had to buy all new jeans. I found myself only buying high waisted ones! I used to think this trend looked weird, but I love it now. The high waist sucks everything in and keeps you from having midriff and butt-crack hanging out when you’re constantly bending over and dealing with babies. With a longish shirt over the top, they don’t look different from regular jeans at all, but they are more comfortable and practical. Win.

4. Sex still isn’t right.

Maybe I was naive, but since I had a C-section I wasn’t really expecting sex to be painful in the postpartum period. Then I learned the hard way about vaginal dryness caused by breastfeeding, and my doctor told me there was nothing I could do except use more lube and, eventually, stop nursing. This did get a little better as the months passed, but now, at one year postpartum, sex still doesn’t feel the same, which is a bummer for sure. It’s hard enough to get your groove back after infertility, pregnancy, and having a baby, and this hasn’t helped matters. But as I said, I’m in a great place right now with breastfeeding, so I guess I’m stuck with this unfortunate side effect for another few months.

5. No period for 12+ months!?

While we are on the topic of my vagina, the lack of periods is another thing I didn’t expect. I know this varies a lot from woman to woman, but I thought my period would have returned by now. It hasn’t, thanks once again to breastfeeding. In this case, though, I’m perfectly happy for it to stay away a while longer! Yay for no periods!

6.  I don’t miss work as much as I thought I would.

It’s been over a year since I worked, and I’m not chomping at the bit to go back. Recently I briefly considered applying for jobs for next school year, especially part-time subbing. But my boys are still young, and in the next few months they are going to learn so many things. I want to be there for that, and with all the sleep deprivation, it’s been pretty nice to not have to get ready and get out the door every morning.

I’m sure there’s a lot more I could say, but my brain is shutting down now after a day of momming. My kids are a delight, and though there have been hard things about this first year of parenthood, overall it has been a joy, even if it hasn’t all gone exactly as I expected.