My Cousin’s Boyfriend

Around two years ago I was visiting the US for Christmas.  Instead of heading straight to my home, my husband and I took a detour to visit my cousin who lives on the other side of the state.  We have always been very close. She picked us up at the ferry and drove us to her home to stay the night.  During that drive she dropped a bombshell, she had a new boyfriend. She had only been in one (very serious) relationship before, which had ended some years ago, so this was quite big news. However, what was even bigger news was that this was her friend, Trent- previously of the couple Trent and Mary- and that he had left his wife for her.

This was quite shocking to me, as I had always thought Trent and Mary were very happily married. We often had met with them in the last couple of years to play board games and I thought of them as my cousin’s closest friends.  She had even attended their wedding.

Apparently this had been developing for some time, with my cousin talking everyday on the phone and texting constantly with Trent. Trent would come over to her place and play board games when Mary was at work. I even remember one time, pretty far in the past, when my cousin had remarked how crazy some other couple’s jealousy was and that Mary never had any problem with Trent coming over alone to her place.

At the time in the car it was really hard to know what to say. My cousin said she hadn’t told me that this was all happening because she thought I would ‘think she was bad’. In all honesty, I was quite astounded that my cousin would betray her friend Mary in this way and I did think it was ‘bad’. Yet I minimized my criticism but still insisted that I hoped things would work out between Trent and Mary. I didn’t want my cousin to feel she couldn’t talk to me or tell me things.

Two years later, my cousin and Trent are still together.  I always liked Trent when I first knew him (back when it was Trent and Mary) but every time I meet him since he got together with my cousin, I feel I like him less. He seems oversensitive- often getting in a bad mood over tiny things. I am also not sure about his influence on my cousin, who has now declared she never plans on having children.  Of course this is a very personal decisions and her own choice, however, I do know also that this has always been Trent’s view and I feel my cousin has only picked it up from him.  Trent also ‘doesn’t believe in marriage’ which I guess is maybe partly a way to rationale breaking up his first one, but I wonder if his view has sort of become my cousin’s by default rather than by choice.  

I guess this all just leads to the fact that I don’t like Trent very much.  There is not too much that can be said- the situation is similar to Lupine’s brother’s girlfriend.  What can you do when people you love chose to be with someone you think isn’t best for them? I guess the answer is not much. It feels much too late for voicing my opinions about Trent (or the fact that relationship built on a betrayal of a friendship and marriage vows hardly seems destined to be a strong one), but I have to admit to secretly hoping they will break up. 

This summer both my cousin and Trent are coming to visit us in Norway. They will probably stay some days in Oslo and then we will go together to see another part of Norway.  It will be my first time spending so much consecutive time with Trent, so we will have to see how it goes.  I know that the only thing to do is to shelve any doubts I may have about Trent- he may be a member of my family for many years.  However, that doesn’t mean I can’t rant a little before I do it though.