Reflections of a New Mom

Well guys, it’s been seven weeks since my twin boys were born. It’s mind-boggling to me that this is my life now, while less than a year ago I was still grappling with the pain of infertility and unsure if I would ever be a mom. I could say so many things about the last seven weeks, but because time is limited and a lot of it would be pretty banal to read about, I’ve decided just to reflect on some truths about this new experience that have surprised me.

 

1. Births and babies are unpredictable. Everyone says that all births are different, and that having kids will keep you constantly on your toes. This was proven true almost immediately after my C-section when my older son was found to have low blood sugar. It was severe enough to land him in the NICU, and his brother followed him a day later with the same issue. It’s not that unusual for twins to have some NICU time, especially if they are premature, but I had never heard of hypoglycemia, and it was tough to wrap my head around the fact that they were sick when they looked so healthy. While it was hard enough to leave the hospital with zero babies in tow three days later, I had no idea that one of my babies wouldn’t be released for over a month after birth. That first month was spent driving back and forth to the hospital (1.5 hours each way), talking to doctors, and hoping every day that his condition would improve quickly. He’s home now, but still on medication to maintain his blood sugar. I had to grieve the fact that I was missing his newborn days and that he and his brother wouldn’t lay eyes on each other for weeks after birth. The only way I was able to cope with this situation was by taking one day at a time, knowing that, although this wasn’t the way our first month was supposed to be, it was only temporary.

 

2. I didn’t feel overwhelming love.

Of course, I loved my boys at first sight, and even before. But I expected to have such a strong rush of sentiment, like nothing I had ever experienced before. That didn’t happen. Perhaps I didn’t bond with them right away because we spent so much time apart in those early weeks, but even after having them both home for a while now, I still feel like my love for them is growing, slowly but surely. I’ve never had those moments of breaking down in tears because I’m so overwhelmed by love. But, I do adore them and often marvel at how blessed I am to be their mother. Those feelings just didn’t appear quite the way I thought they would. I’m sure my love for them will grow stronger and stronger as time goes on, too!

 

3. I’m suddenly a baby expert.

Okay, certainly I don’t know everything there is to know about babies, but it has amazed me how quickly it became normal for me to be responsible for keeping two tiny humans alive. It feels normal and even, dare I say it, natural, to watch over their daily existence and tend to their needs. Of course, I have had a lot of help in the past few weeks, so I haven’t been truly alone, but I know without a doubt I am capable of being everything they need me to be, and I feel pretty confident in my baby-care abilities at this point. And, because of that, I feel significantly less anxiety about the transition to motherhood. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still incredibly weird that I can get in a taxi and take my baby on a six hour trip to the hospital and back for an appointment, and nobody bats an eye, but it’s pretty exciting, too. I’m momming so hard these days!

 

4. Sleep deprivation isn’t so bad.

I’m a sleeper. All my adult life I’ve been one to go to bed early, sleep in late, and nap whenever I get the chance. During pregnancy I was so exhausted that I thought for sure I would die when I actually had to take care of babies all night long. However, so far the lack of sleep isn’t hitting me nearly as hard as I thought it would. The boys wake up every 2-3 hours, and it can take up to an hour to feed both and get them back to sleep, but somehow the 5 ish hours I end up with in a given night is enough. Sure, I’m tired, and I usually try to get a 1-2 hour nap in during the day if I can, but that’s still so much less than I slept before, and I’m still functioning! Check back with me in six months, though–I guess you can do anything for a few weeks, but the cumulative effects of fatigue might catch up with me at some point.

 

5. Motherhood is fun!

I mean, I always thought it would be fun to have kids, otherwise why do it? But I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoy being around these precious little ones. Will I want to go back to work in a few months? Maybe. Do I look forward to getting away to the gym or on a date night when I can, sure. But spending my days as a stay-at-home mom for the first time ever has been fun and fulfilling. All the cliches are true–one smile from them makes it all worth it.