I’ve been having anxiety about having this conversation with my husband again because the last 2 times I’ve brought it up have ended with me bawling in the fetal position. So I’m trying it out on you first.
Dear Hubby,
I’m scared too. I don’t know what life is bringing our way. Sometimes I am so sure of what I want and other times I feel like every other thought is a question. There are so many questions when it come to having kids. Do we have enough money? Will we be able to get pregnant right away? Or will it be a struggle? How long will I be able to work if I get pregnant? Will we need a new car? Will we be able to make it on your income? Will you be away on the boat while I’m crazy and pregnant? Will I hate that? Will you hate that? Will you be able to get a job that puts you closer to home?
Am I just wanting all this because it’s happening to everyone else or do I really want it? Do we really want it? And if we do, why not just take the leap? I feel like I’m the kid in gym class waiting on the sidelines as everyone gets picked for the dodge ball teams except me. I know it might not seem like the perfect time, but after everything we’ve already been through, I think that “the perfect time” is a bullshit concept that doesn’t really exist.
I know you’re worried. I know that you just want to be able to take care of me every step of the way and you feel like that won’t be possible with your current job. I know you don’t want to miss things. But the thing is, if we just keep waiting, then we’re still missing things. We’re missing life as we sit and wait for the “perfect moment”. I think every moment between us is perfect because it’s us. Messy and hard and still beautiful. When has anything ever been easy in our relationship? We are both too stubborn for anything to be easy.
I can keep being patient if I have to be, but you know how hard it is for me. You’ve always been the more adventurous one in our relationship. The one pushing me out of my comfort zone. So maybe that means it’s my turn to do the pushing. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t think I was pushing you towards something wonderful. We have so much love to give. Let’s put that love into a family.
I love this so much. I think it’s fair and wise to question whether you truly want to have a baby or if it’s primarily motivated by FOMO or peer pressure. But I also know that desire quite intimately, and I know it wouldn’t stay around month after month and year after year if it wasn’t from your heart. It wouldn’t make you cry in the fetal position if it wasn’t real and powerful. Once you’ve flipped that switch of wanting to start a family, you can’t turn it off, and that sucks sometimes. You guys love each other and I know you will work it out! Don’t be afraid to share your heart with him again!
This is so beautiful. Say this to him. Print this out and show it to him. Write it out and mail it to him. Then get busy.