An Ode To Being Tired of Everything

There’s no eloquent way to put this, so I’ll just say it. I’m fucking exhausted. Summer is supposed to be the time when everyone is going on vacation and relaxing but for me summer has become the worst part of the year by far. In fact, sometimes it takes all I have in me not to punch those relaxed people right  in the face. Multiple factors contribute to this exhaustion and burning hatred of summer. Let’s address them, shall we?

Number One: My job. I work in the hospitality industry and have for the past 5 years. Currently I work the front desk at a large hotel in a city that has a major cruise port. So my entire summer is comprised of hordes of cruise passengers invading my lobby at 10am and demanding to get into their rooms. Do we have rooms ready at 10am to check in to? No. Do any of these people seem to understand this? No. And because their rooms aren’t ready, I then get to segway  into storing their 15 pieces of luggage for them. Just thinking about luggage makes me tired now.

Number Two: My own lack of time off. Because of the nature of my job, it is highly unlikely for me to ever get any significant time off in the summer. My management won’t approve it. And even if they were willing to, they couldn’t do it this summer because we are so severely short staffed that this Saturday I had to man the desk by myself and handle a day when we had over 300 arrivals and 300 departures. After I got home that day I immediately downed most of a bottle of sangria. So basically during the time when I most desperately need a break and vacation, I can’t have one.

Number 3: My husband is gone all summer. My husband works for a tugboat company and their busiest time is also the summer, meaning he spends most of his time hauling barges all over Alaska. So I come home from a terrible day at work just wanting to vent and have someone comfort me, and instead I am alone. So I get emotionally exhausted as well from trying to keep it together and not miss my husband so much that I have a total breakdown. Which I am not very good at, meaning I usually have at least one total breakdown. After which I have to get up and go to my sucky job again, and the cycle continues.

Somehow, I’ve made it to August, but I feel barely alive. I’ve been going to bed at 9pm every night, and even that feels too late sometimes. I need probably 3 weeks to just be off and get reset. But instead what I have is 3 days. 3 days off next week that we’re approved before we had so few people at work. 3 days that are not enough.